


fall in love just a little ol' little bit

by onyxtopaz



Series: six cursed smut [1]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex, Smut, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles, We're sorry, crackfic, kinda maybe, tentacle dick??, this is a joke, we want to move to a church
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:21:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26483341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onyxtopaz/pseuds/onyxtopaz
Summary: Catherine Parr was willing to take anything she could get from this horrid McDonalds visit. What happens when she meets eyes with a certain green man? (joke fic)
Relationships: Squidward Tentacles/Catherine Parr
Series: six cursed smut [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925314
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	fall in love just a little ol' little bit

**Author's Note:**

> We’re two writers who go by the pseudonyms of Onyx and Topaz! This is our first fic, and we’re very sorry for what you’re about to read. Don't take this seriously, (we do not ship it.) If you decide to comment, we will be responding so feel free to leave something down there. Please do not comment hate or slurs because this entire fic is a joke. Be wary of the tags above and we hope you enjoy the rest of the fic.  
> There are some formatting issues.  
> Title from Someone New by Hozier  
> -Topaz

Things had changed a lot in the past few hours, Parr mused. She was lying in bed, moonlight shining on her skin as the green tentacled man slept soundly next to her. The young woman began to think about earlier in the day and how her entire world changed with just a set of electrifying eyes meeting hers.  
______________________________________________________________________________  
The day had begun like any other. She woke up at an ungodly time, the wifi was slow and everyone was awful. Parr was busy sulking at her desk unable to type a single word when none other than a certain Anne Boleyn barged in and interrupted her train of thought right as she came up with a good idea.  
“HEY!” Anne shouted enthusiastically. Her voice grated on Catherine’s ears.  
“Oh my god! What do you want Anne?” Parr looked up from her blank laptop screen.  
“We’re about to go grab some McDonalds and Jane wanted to know if you wanted to come.”  
“Sure, whatever. I can't think of anything to write anyways.”  
“Awesome! Meet us down in five!” Anne chirped, exiting Catherine’s room. She sighed and shut off her laptop with a click to join the other queens.  
______________________________________________________________________________  
The table that they had chosen was worn and dirty, matching with how the McDonalds itself looked. Parr picked at her fries absentmindedly as she stared across the restaurant.  
“Cathy, you barely ate the entire time we were here. Stop picking at your food and eat it,”  
Aragon scolded, picking at her own food with distaste.  
Parr paid her no attention, as her eyes were drawn and locked onto a certain fast food worker. He had a very prominent nose and high cheekbones, large eyes and a brown shirt, the collar upturned. He looked messy and untidy in a very attractive way. Katherine tapped Parr on the shoulder.  
“What are you looking at? You’re barely talking to us.” The younger grumbled, already pushed out of the conversation the other queens were having.  
“Nothing, nothing’s happening.” Parr reddened slightly, looking down suddenly.  
“Really?” Boleyn stated smugly, following Parr’s gaze, “because it kinda looks like you're eyeing that employee over there!”  
Parr’s face flamed.  
“What? No, no. I’m not looking at anyone. I was zoning out!” she quickly denied it. The other queens noticed her sputtering and giggled. Anna, who was seated right next to her smiled mischievously and spilled her drink all over Parr's white shirt and the table.  
“Ack! What’s wrong with you?!” Parr screeched at the cold liquid, the soda staining her shirt.  
“Sir! Can we get some napkins?” Anna smiled at the green-skinned tentacled man. His butt chin was even more prominent as he drew closer. His heart-shaped lips shone in the pale washed out light of the restaurant. He was a magnet, and Parr wanted nothing more than to be attracted.  
“Of course, LLALALALALALALALdiiiiiEsssss,” he replied seductively, “I’ll be right with you.” He cast a glance over to cathay, causing her to blush.  
Anne shrieked when he was out of hearing distance, “Mate, he totally looked at you funny!”  
“He didn’t! You guys, please shut up and eat your food!” Cathy groaned.  
“Look at her! She’s blushing!” Katherine smiled at her fondly, twirling her ponytail slightly.  
“Will you guys stop it!? Go and eat your food.” Jane sighed, tired of her shenanigans. Just then, the shiny tentacled man came back.  
“Here are your napkins, ladDdIiEEes,” he purred. Just then, out of his tentacles, he dropped the napkins onto the table. On one napkin was a number and his name, Squidward. Cathy blushed even harder looking at his chiseled abs through his tight employee shirt. His chest hair peaked through. The rest of lunch was uneventful, and Cathy turned to trail behind the other queens to leave. The greened-skinned bald shiny handsome ripped man tapped her on her shoulder.  
“heLLLLOOooo Cathy… Do you want to come home with me? You are very pretty” Squidward smiled, showing his shiny-as-the-sun teeth. Cathy stared into his beautiful deep shit brown eyes. He whispered, his voice rough.  
“U-Uh, sure,”  
She quickly turned around to the leaving queens.  
“Hey, I’ll catch up with you guys soon!” Cathy said, risking a glimpse at Squidward.  
“Okay Cathy, stay safe and call me when you’re leaving!” Jane said smiling, ushering the other queens out. Catherine gave her a rushed smile and ran off with the shining luminescent Green Man.  
____________________________________________________________________________

Squidward, as she had learned his name soon after, pushed her down into the bed with his rugged tentacles. Cathy felt heat building up between her legs as she touched his soft chest. Squidward raked his eyes across her body before smashing his lips onto hers.  
His pouty lips parted, biting her bottom lip asking for entrance. Her lips parted, allowing their tongues in a fierce battle of domination (which he eventually won). She moaned as he moved his hot, opened mouth kisses down to her neck and collarbone. Squidward got off of her and started seductively stripping (he has experience since he once worked at Hooters). After, he made quick work of her clothing, shedding her t-shirt and skirt easily.  
“Squidward,” she moaned as he continued to attack her neck, “Please, I need you.” He would surely leave a mark tomorrow too high for a collar to hide. Somehow, she wanted to be marked.  
His hand reached up to fondle her breasts aggressively and nibbled on the lobe of her ear and whispered, “Not yeTTtTtitTtYYy” He reached his big, girthy tentacle dick down to her heat and circled it slowly. Parr bit back a moan as he continued to grope her and circle her cunt.  
“Please Squidward! I need you insid- aHHH” She was cut off as he thrusted his tentacle dick inside of her making her cry out in pleasure.  
“HArderrRRRRR!” she moaned into his shoulder, mouthing at his skin and quickly biting it. He quickened his pace making her cry out in pleasure and moved his mouth to her breasts, circling the bud lightly while fondling the other. They were intertwined in a sweaty heap of pleasure.  
It didn't take much more for her to be pushed off the edge, but Squidward wasn't ready for the fun to be over, so he pushed her back onto the bed and shoved his hefty, throbbing shaft down her throat. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she took in Squidwards massive cock. He took pleasure in hearing her choking on his large weenie and lewd noises of her giving him head.  
“Ahh, Cathy!” Squidward moaned while harshly tugging on her hair “Keep going, just like that now.” his voice was rough as he face-fucked her. Catherine couldn't respond with a mouth full of dick so she began to suck it even faster, letting her teeth graze his shaft, making him moan even louder.  
“Cathy! I'm about to c-cum! He moans loudly and his eyes roll back, only leaving the whites visible as he comes undone.  
______________________________________________________________________________  
When they were both sated, Squidward rolled back around on his side, his back facing Cathy.  
“You should get some sleep, you can go back to your friends in the morning.” He mumbled tiredly. Cathy humed in acknowledgment as her thoughts raced through her head and how she was going to tell the other queens that she had a one night stand. ‘Whatever’ she thought. ‘I’ll figure it out in the morning’ And with that, she drifted off into peaceful sleep

**Author's Note:**

> So, the birth of this monstrosity was made when we talked about the ship Parr x Howard. We noted that the ship name, Parrward made it sound like it was Parr x Squidward. Things spawned from there. We hope you enjoyed, and this is a joke, we don't ship it so please don’t kill us or delete our kneecaps.  
> We also might make more crossover au’s w the queens so keep an eye out for that ;) Requests are welcome, and you can request in the comments or on our Tumblr.  
> Tumblr: onyxandtopazwrites.tumblr.com
> 
> -Onyx


End file.
